SHY? Tackling The "Talking Trauma" for Teens

By Susan RoAne, The Mingling Maven®

“Growing up on a farm with nine brothers and sisters didn’t give me much time or attention,” said PJ. “I was so shy that it seemed like a disease.”

There was no way PJ could be part of the drama clubs, much less the debate team. “Fortunately, I was a big kid with a fair amount of athletic skill, who didn’t talk much.”

“Go to a school dance? How could I? I may have to talk to people . . . even girls. Never!”

PJ was the CEO of a Washington –based national insurance company and a superb conversationalist.

How did he “cure” himself? “I observed the people who seemed to have good social skills. My math teacher took an interest in me because he saw that I had some math aptitude.

“I watched him at school, at community events and around town. He was always so congenial; so easy to talk to and to be around. He was my role model and mentor. So, I imitated him and acted like he did. My classmates, team members, people in my church reacted so openly that my comfort level escalated. The more open and friendly I was, the more I smiled, asked questions, shared stories, the more other people responded. After a year or so, I could be around people and feel comfortable. No longer shy.”

If you do a search on google, you will find many celebrities think of themselves as shy; including Michael Jordan, the most amazing athlete as well as many actors, singers and other sports figures. You would be in very good and very famous company.

PJ’s Pearls and Pointers:

• Shyness is normal and cureable.
• Decide you want to work on overcoming shyness.
• Find a role model or two with good social and conversational skills.
• Identify their best behaviors.
• Ask them if they could help you.
• Read a paper.
• Be interested in others.
• Listen to comments and answers.
• Have good eye contact.
• Learn good manners and etiquette.
• Make “small talk” about what you like, don’t like, current trends and favorite teams, movies, bands, video games, sports and even books!
• Rejections feels awful. People (kids and adults) can be thoughtless and sometimes cruel and unfriendly. But, no matter where you are, there are always nice kids who are friendly and open; smart and funny, and considerate. Would you want to hang out with people who aren’t?
• Turn about is fair play. We need to be sure we are friendly to the “new kids,” and to kids who are different, and to make them comfortable.
• Just think of yourself as part of the Rescue Squad in charge of helping other shy girls or girls.  

Bonus Points:

• Think of how you will introduce yourself at any gathering.
• Think of what you may have in common with the other kids.
• Bring your smile with you.

If you smile and say hello, almost everyone will imitate you!

By the way, PJ says he still thinks of himself as shy. What he does at meetings, parties or conventions is try to make others feel comfortable and that takes the pressure off of him!

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Susan RoAne, former teacher and currently a keynote speaker and author of How to Work a Room, The Secrets of Savvy Networking, and What Do I Say Next? And How To Create Your Own Luck. She has been quoted in Teen and Cosmo Girl as well as Cosmopolitan magazine on overcoming shyness. Her books are available in local bookstores, as well as on tape and on-line. Susan has spoken at Yale, Wharton, University of Illinois, New York University and has been on TV and radio around the world.

For more information about Susan RoAne’s results-oriented, high content presentations and coaching visit: email Susan@SusanRoAne.com or call 415 461 3915.

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