Net.working: How To Raise Your M.Q. (Mensch Quotient)

By Susan RoAne, The Mingling Maven®

I first explained the concept of the M.Q. in The Secrets of Savvy Networking. A “mensch” is Yiddish for a person of character and it’s a huge compliment.

I’ve met many people in business who have high M.Q.s. Several years after the publication of my book, Daniel Goleman published Emotional Intelligence...and the Concept of E.Q. Emotional intelligence is the kind of smarts that does not register on the SATs or IQ tests. It is a “special ability to put people at ease. The people with high E.Q.s interact smoothly and manage feelings well and are also conversant.” When you combine E.Q. and M.Q., you have a person of the highest caliber. Interestingly, I.Q. – intelligence — has little to do with it.

Our networks should include high E.Q. and M.Q. people — and we should try to be one of those people as well. Think of one of the most outstanding people you know. You thinks this person is outstanding because of how you feel when you’re with them.

Watch how they treat people and listen to what people say about them. What are their top behaviors, traits or characteristics? What do they do? How do they make you feel? Fill in the form below and try to put into words how these E.Q./M.Q. people impact your life.

Name	How You Know Them	Behaviors/Traits	Feelings/Your Response
1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10.

Here is a list of 66 traits of the best networkers.. Some of them reflect our traits or philosophies while others are goals we should set for how we want to be. Use the 66 traits to form your schematic so you can chart your personal progress and travel Route 66 To SUCCESS.

The Top Traits of Savvy, Smart Networkers

1. Acknowledge — gifts, leads, information, ideas, support (send handwritten notes).
2. Stay in touch when seeking nothing.
3. Are aware of who is in their network.
4. Know who they like.
5. Keep people in loop about leads, projects, contracts.
6. Don’t use e-mail to fire or breakup or deliver other unpleasant messages.
7. Don’t leave people dangling.
8. Don’t confuse conversations with grilling (avoid “questionable” behavior).
9. Have good manners, know etiquette and net-iquette.
10. Treat people kindly.
11. Respect others.
12. Take responsibility: “My error, how can we remedy this?”
13. Apologize when in error.
14. Match people with jobs, clients, resources.
15. Don’t suffer from “attachment disorder” (sending unnecessary e-mail attachments).
16. Volunteer in the community.
17. Respect privacy and property.
18. Work hard and smart and do a great job.
19. Take time to smell the roses.
20. Have a sense of timing.
21. Are connected — not tethered —to technology.
22. Respect others when using cell phones (that means never in theaters, meetings, restaurants, parties, houses of worship, etc.).
23. Pay attention to people when they're talking to you.
24. Embrace diversity of age, race, religion, expertise, and cultures.
25. Stay visible, especially in professional organizations.
26. Honor people’s time.
27. Nurture your networks.
28. Refrain from F.F. — Foolish Forwarding — of e-mail.
29. Are good humored.
30. Know how to “work” rooms.
31. Pick up the phone to connect.
32. Remember your roots.
33. Praise and support others.
34. Ask for help.
35. Offer assistance.
36. Don’t make snap judgements.
37. Are guided by goals, not blinded by them.
38. Don’t offer unsolicited opinions. (Corollary: There is no such thing as “constructive criticism.”)
39. Give credit where credit is due (for ideas, projects, funny comments).
40. Develop solid values and ethics.
41. Offer and collect business cards with grace.
42. Understand that networking is beyond the exchange of business cards.
43. Pass on third party praise to the proper recipient.
44. Give compliments.
45. Accept compliments graciously.
46. Avoid gossip and rumors.
47. Are life-long learners.
48. “Make nice” in the rooms they work.
49. Listen, listen, listen!
50. Are generous of spirit.
51. Do what they say they’ll do — when they say they’ll do it!
52. Know when to hold ‘em and when to fold ‘em. Leave graciously.
53. Avoid exaggeration, embellishment.
54. Know the difference between sympathy and empathy.
55. Hang around with the people who inspire.
56. Give people a second chance.
57. Don’t use humor as guise for put-downs.
58. Treat people as people, not as prospects.
59. Try to make people feel comfortable.
60. Control temper — use only “I” messages when giving feedback.
61. Are easy to be around.
62. Do good deeds.
63. Are persons of exemplary character.
64. Mentor the next generation (or the prior one).
65. Is a good friend.
66. Has fun!

Good networkers make room for new contacts and deftly clean out their networks. As we grow and change, our networks do as well. The person we may have hung out with in our bowling, football, book club or single days, may not be our hanging out friend when we attend film festivals, The X Games, Little League games or the opera. The person whose biting comments and temper tantrums may have amused us when we were 22, embarrasses us ten or twenty years later.

Sometimes we reconnect as our lives intersect in new ways. Sometimes we don’t. But we don’t need to tolerate anyone whose behavior and motives are questionable.

Standard Bearers

We can and should have standards of acceptable behavior for ourselves and for others. If unsure, please use this chapter as a guideline. If there are traits to add to the list, feel free to do so and e-mail me at susan@susanroane.com.

RoAne’s Reminders

• Our Mensch Quotient (M.Q.) reflects our character.
• M.Q. is a guideline for “appropriate” behavior.
• M.Q. is a combination of many traits. To highlight a few: work hard and smart and do a great job.
• E. Q. is the combination of traits that reflect empathy, interest, concern and help us relate to people.
• Accept responsibility.
• Be a matchmaker.
• Believe in life-long learning.
• Be open to the serendipity of life and work.
• Have manners and treat others well.

 

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