Conversations with the Contentious

By Susan RoAne, The Mingling Maven®

BE PREPARED. If this is a sales call or a business meeting with several people, do homework. Know what your purpose is for attending and what you have to offer the others. Be aware that other people do not care about our agendas so be flexible. If it is a family event focus on the celebration and your fave cousin, uncle, niece. If it is a potluck, say nice things about their tasty contributions.

READ the paper and the industry journal. Whether it is news on the foreign front, the profession or national economy issues, have some familiarity with current events. Have several topics of conversation for ‘getting to know you’ chat.

BE the ‘comeback kid’. In a study of the people with adaptive skills (the highest form of job/career skills) they were prepared for the unexpected with a few phrases.

“I had not thought of it that way.” “ That is not my understanding of the issue.” Or “That is not my conclusion after reading the report.” “How do you see this project working out?”

MASTER the skill of perfunctory politeness. If there is a family wedding, graduation or funeral our attendance may be mandatory. But spending a lot of time with the REALLY Annoying Relative is not. We can be coolly polite, not embarrass our hosts or our parents or siblings and just focus on our favorite family members.

It would be nice if we could just reason with the Contentious Character and that they would ‘get ‘ it. Truth be told, most often the person who behaves in such a manner has not the smarts nor tools nor willingness to comprehend our reactions. And is not willing to adjust. It would be so easy if these difficult folks adhered to an Irish saying told to me by a delightful young man from Ireland, “Anything for the say (sake) of the peace.”

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