ASK Too Often and YE Shall NOT Receive

By Susan RoAne, Author of The Secrets of Savvy Networking, How To Work a Room® and Face To Face: How To Reclaim The Personal Touch in A Digital World

People who are savvy know that reciprocity is the grease that keeps the wheels oiled and makes the world go 'round. That's a tenet in The Secrets of Savvy Networking that is reiterated in Face To Face: How To Reclaim The Personal Touch in a Digital World. 'You helped me... so I'll help you (or your designated receiver) ' is the way things work in life and in business networking.

Growing up in Chicago during the years of Mayor Daley, The First allowed me to learn this lesson early on. But far too many others have not. They just don't get it. They don't know when they owe and in this business climate it behooves us all to return favors, help and support. We build deposits in the "Favor Bank" that build the collateral for "withdrawals' as needed. This is Basic Networking (Common Sense as well) 101.

I took an hour to be a guest on a colleague's teleseminar for her paid subscribers. No pay to me... but there is other remuneration besides money. When I later asked if she would mention my new book in her ezine, she asked for yet another deed to be done as a trade to her. She missed The Reciprocity Rule memo and therefore demonstrated a lack of business networking savvy. In Chicago terms, favors are called markers (as in Guys and Dolls) and they are called in and the savvy among us return them without being asked.

WE only get to ask for a 'trade' if we have paid up a favor. To my regret, I ignored her email rather than respond. Thanks to some wise words from Executive speech coach and professional speaker, Patricia Fripp, here is what I would now say: "I wouldn’t be serving you if I did not let you know why that request isn’t feasible. After gladly giving an hour of my time, my energy and my expertise to your paid subscribers as a favor to you, I had expected that you would have wanted to reciprocate and gladly honor my request rather than ask for one more favor." Wish I had thought of it then!

What do we say to the person who flat out continues to ask us for favors, leads or deeds that they never seem to return --- when we are just sick and tired of their requests? To harken to First Lady, Nancy Reagan's campaign on drugs, "Just say NO." If we feel we need to further explain, "I'm accustomed to working with people who reciprocate." Or the generic, "That doesn't work for me."

Life is funny. People want to help people who appreciate their assistance and return it. My banker helps an elderly couple pay their bills --- which is not part of her job description. The wife bakes her favorite candied walnut treat as a way of acknowledging and reciprocating and Marilyn continues to help them. What a sweet way to say thank you!

The people who are taught that they will only receive if they ask must be given the second part of that bon mot. Pay back that which you have already received before you ask again.

And I am asking you... what do you think?

Susan RoAne is an in-demand keynote speaker and the best selling author of How To Work A Room® which launched an industry. She is the undisputed original networking authority who also wrote the landmark book: The Secrets of Savvy Networking and Face To Face: How To Reclaim The Personal Touch in A Digital World among others.

For daily insights, follow her at www.twitter.com/susanroane