Conversations with the Contentious

By Susan RoAne, The Mingling Maven®

An associate sat on a local board and had frequently lapsed into screaming at the other board members. When they all resigned, it was apparent that “ole yeller’s” willful and woeful behavior was unacceptable and he was asked by the national powers that be to resign. Someday his term and his temper tantrums will be forgotten….but not for quite a while. He has been hoisted by his own petard.

A better way to handle issues and those who are argumentative is to stay as calm as possible. Lower your voice and speak a few decibels quieter. “I notice by your comments that this project does not seem to meet your approval. Do you see a way we can make this work?” The calmer we are the more out of control the Ms. or Mr. Contentious appears.

Recently I experienced my very first Terrible Twos Tantrum in public in the Mall. There is great similarity to the toddlers’ antics and the contentious person who wants their way and needs to control. Unfortunately, we cannot pick up the colleague, boss, coworker or customer and carry them outside of the Mall to scream and cry until they become so exhausted that they stop. One of the things we can do is excuse ourselves and say, “ I will be happy to discuss these stats, sales goals, program changes (or whatever) at a later point in time.”

Some contentious people are in positions that make it necessary to deal with their guff. For others we can just be less available and by attrition of time…. excuse ourselves from their lives and oust them from ours.